Peer-to-Peer

In my paper, there is the beginning of a strong thesis but one has yet to be decided. I would like to think that, “when looking deeper into class, race, religion and sexuality and how those contribute to society we may have a problem on our hands,” would be my thesis. I have not written an introduction yet so this may be the issue. I can make this stronger by fine-tuning the thesis and by writing my introduction. Possibly by excluding religion and sexuality but I feel as though excluding those would do more harm. By not addressing those topics, I realize that I begin to contribute to the issues at hand with RT (reality television). There is more to say about the things we exclude than the things we include.

The second category I would address would be organization. I feel as though my paper flows well, but still needs some work. I am also unsure if I should continue to add my own experiences with RT or if I should not include my own feelings (from the past). By adding my own experiences I feel as though I am adding new knowledge since I have consumed RT in the past. There is also no clear introduction and conclusion as I have not started those parts of my paper yet. My peers wrote to include more evidence from the television shows themselves, so I think analyzing a few episodes may help with the organization and also my thesis.

When looking at my peer’s suggestions, I will include their ideas because they gave a lot of insight about the missing parts in my paper, like adding more evidence directly from the television shows. There were also a few small grammatical errors that need to be fixed. Their input will definitely come in handy since I am writing this for a group of my collegiate peers. Although, there were quotes used from studies that I am unable to elaborate on which were commented on. I am unsure how to explain their views without changing the quote and I cannot change the quote with my own ideas and still use it as a quote. (Hope that makes sense). Both of my peer’s praised my use of quotes and sources saying that they made my paper stronger and gave clear evidence to my argument.

When making revisions, I will make sure to further elaborate and add to the conversation. I will be working on the introduction and fine-tuning of my thesis statements and developing a stronger argument about how RT does not accurately include race, religion, sexuality, and class. By showing the pitfalls and stereotypes shows like The Real World, The Hills and Big Brother have shown, I will be contributing a new perspective to the conversation. By not including shows such as Real Housewives and The Kardashian’s, I know I am leaving out a large part of recent RT. If I were to add those, it would just show how much we really exclude other classes in our television. I may bring those shows into my argument but will not be focusing on them specifically.